BRITISH PUBS

I came across the following excellent advice, described as "Twenty things a tourist should know" about a subject dear to my heart:

British pubs. Since pubs are at the heart of British cultural life, I could add: not just tourists but anyone who is remotely interested in Britain or Ireland.

I would agree with most of it, but under No. 19 I would have been a bit more specific. I was brought up to believe that one doesn't discuss religion or politics in the pub. This was a sensible convention to avoid arguments getting too heated. But with religious strife virtually extinct except on the Celtic fringe, and British politics getting more and more consensual every year, the convention has noticeably weakened. Nevertheless, if an argument does get too heated, saying sharply, "No religion or politics in the pub!" is usually enough to shut people up (I don't recommend that foreigners do this: it might seem presumptuous).

For your own safety do not discuss *Irish* religion or politics in *any* pub in the British Isles, unless you really know what you are doing, which is unlikely unless you have have lived here for most of your life.

Here are the tips

One: There is no waiter service in a British pub. You have to go to the bar to buy your drinks and carry them back to your table.

Two: It is customary for one or two people, not the whole group, to go up to the bar to buy drinks.

Three: To get served, you must attract the attention of the bar staff without making any noise or resorting to the vulgarity of too-obvious gesticulation. This is much easier than it sounds.

Four: If you wish to pay for your drinks individually, then order individually. If you order as a group, the bar staff will total the cost and expect a single payment.

Five: In most British pubs, you pay for your drinks in cash, immediately when you order them.

Six: Pubs often have a range of about 20 different beers behind the bar, many of them on draught (on tap), some in bottles and a few in cans. They range from dark stouts, through mild ales and bitter to lager. In Scotland, bitter is described as heavy or 70/- (Seventy Shilling Ale).

Seven : A pint of beer is 0.568 litres (ie quite a big drink). A 'half' means a half-pint. When ordering you just say "Half a bitter, please" or "Half a lager, please." In Scotland and Northern Ireland, it is even more important to articulate your preference as a "half" can also mean a small whisky.

Eight: It is not customary to tip the publican or bar staff. Instead, if you wish the common practice is to buy them a drink. This is a genuinely personal and friendly gesture.

Nine: The term "bar" can mean either the actual counter at which drinks are served, or any room in the pub which contains one of these counters. You may come across pubs with rooms marked Public Bar, Lounge Bar or Saloon Bar.

Ten: There is no such thing as a typical British pub. There are 61,000 pubs in the UK all of them different and all of them typical. If you know where to look, and what to look for, you can find your ideal pub.

Eleven: There is no single, correct way to order a pub meal or snack. Some pubs take meal orders at the bar, others have separate food counters. However, drinks must almost always be purchased at the bar.

Twelve: Round-buying is the reciprocal exchange of drinks. To the natives, round-buying is sacred. Not "buying your round" is more than just a breach of pub etiquette - it's heresy.

Thirteen: Don't ask for an expensive drink like champagne if the person buying it is drinking cost-conscious halves of beer.

Fourteen: Unless there are signs specifically stating that children are welcome, always ask at the bar if children (under 14) are allowed in the pub.

Fifteen: Pubs change according to the time of day. The quiet, pretty town-centre 'tourist' pub you discovered at lunchtime may become a vibrant, crowded young people's pub at night.

Sixteen: Generally, pubs are not allowed to open until 11am (noon on Sundays). They cannot serve drinks after 11pm (10.30pm on Sundays) in England and Wales although you are allowed 20 minutes to finish any drinks already purchased. Pubs generally open until midnight in Scotland. [I think these times are rather more flexible now, so just try the door and find out -- Daf].

Seventeen: Toilets in pubs are for the use of customers, not the general public.

Eighteen: The pub, to many natives, is a second home - and some probably spend more time there than they do in their own homes.

Nineteen: Pub talk is the most popular activity in all pubs. There are few restrictions on what you can talk about - pub etiquette is concerned with the form of your conversation, not the content.

Twenty: Pub regulars will often start an argument about anything, just for the fun of it. Arguments follow a strict code of etiquette based on the First Commandment of pub law - Thou shalt not take things too seriously.

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