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Autumn Endgame - episode 5

MOSCOW.

J:"But this is a restaurant for foreigners! I thought we were going to have dinner somewhere typically Russian. There's someone paying by credit card. In dollars, I bet. Ordinary Russians don't have credit cards. And what is "he"; doing tagging along?"

E:"John, you're being rude. Don't you recognise Arago, the sober TV showman? This is a very expensive place, and he's treating us. You'd better be nice to him."

J:"Ah. Oh. And he doesn't speak English?"

E:"Hardly at all. But he's sort of boss here. You'll see. And I think he wants to talk to you. He thinks you're interesting. And stop scowling."

J:"Well, I think "he's"; interesting too. But it's not the sort of evening I was hoping for...."

E:"Cheer up. It'll be great if you put your mind to it. Promise me, now." [Kiss]

J:"You win. I promise."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

J:"Elena, ask Arago if he owns this place." ...

E:" He says not exactly, he just has connections here, as he has in other places - and "he"; asks "you"; if you are a capitalist."

J:"Well, tell him I'm not, because I'm not rich - but I believe in free enterprise and democracy and elections and freedom of speech and having good laws and enforcing them." ...

E:"Arago says he goes along with all that too, but he's not sure if he and you mean the same things when these words are used."

J:"I'm sure we don't. Ask him if the sale of state factories and the like to the public - the voucher scheme - has been a success."

E:"Why should I ask him that?"

J:"Just ask him."

E:" 'Please'? "

J:"All right. Please. ... Why is he laughing?"

E:"Arago's laughing because he knows plenty of people who will say that the sale of state property has been a total success."

J:"And that's funny?"

E:"Yes, John, it is. Don't you know that millions of those who bought those ridiculously cheap shares in state property were starving? So of course they soon sold their shares for cash to buy food. So of course the people - thousands, maybe only hundreds - who bought up these shares in electricity networks and oil pipelines are enormously in favour."

J:"The mafia?"

E:"Shh, John. People are listening. And, I think, watching. In fact I'm sure of it."

J:"You mean those louts by the entrance? What about free speech? I may have had too much wine, but I'm going to say what I think."

E:"I think we'd better change the subject. Honestly. Don't you have a chess match against Dmitri tomorrow?"

J:"Yes, it's the return round. He'll be looking for revenge for the trouncing I gave him in London. Where does Dmitri work, by the way? I've never asked him what he does."

E:"He's got a boffin job at the Kurchatov Institute."

J:"The Kurchatov?! That's nuclear research isn't it?"

E:"Yes. I believe it is."

J:"So what does Dmitri know about Red Mercury? That's nuclear, isn't it? Come to that, what does Arago know about Red Mercury? The stuff that's exported for millions, or so they say, to Switzerland, but which the authorities deny because they say Red Mercury can't exist? It's supposed to detonate a nuclear explosion and to be the size of a tea-cup."

E:"Stop it, John. This is really dangerous. You're not in London now, so don't behave as if you were and as if everything is a joke."

J:"If it doesn't exist, where's the harm? Ask Arago this. Why doesn't the government pass a law to ban the export of Red Mercury?"

E:"All right. I will. But after this, no more questions about such things. ... He says there's no point in issuing regulations to ban something that can't exist. Unless that's the kind of thing that Western governments do. He asks "you" r; to tell "him";."

J:"We've got laws and regulations governing the import and export of thousands of things. All civilised countries do." ....

E:"Arago's just quoted a Russian proverb -"

J:"I knew there would be one coming."

E:" - 'the more laws, the more lawbreakers'. Look, didn't you say you wanted to get close to the "real"; Russia?"

J:"I did. And if this is it..."

E:"Well, I can do something about that, if only you'll behave. Propose a toast to Arago and his future."

J:"I suppose I do owe him an apology."

E:"Especially if you want to make use of his contacts any time. He's got plenty. He's put himself out for you and this evening's costing him a lot. We're sitting at a table that was reserved for another party, and they're not pleased, I can tell you."

J:"And Arago's protecting me from them?"

E:"You could put it that way. Now you stand up and toast his health."

J:"Wilco. Arago, my old fruit, may your TV programmes be watched by millions, may your contacts flourish, and may you pick up a dozen more restaurants. Come on, Elena, translate. ...."

E:"Arago's drinking too. He's happy enough now, I think. Happi"er";, anyway. He wonders whether you believe in his powers? That he's cured people? That lots think he's a saint?"

J:"Look, I'm not going to get into an argument. What does he want me to say?"

E:"He wants an intelligent comment from you."

J:"Tell him there are people who make the same claims all over the world ..."

E:"He's given you another Russian proverb: Ему показывают на луну а он смотрит на палец; 'Point out the moon to him and he'll stare at your finger.'"

J:"And what's that supposed to mean?"

E:"It's not a compliment. You're supposed to work it out yourself. But his high opinion of you has hit rock bottom. I think he was expecting better."

J:"All right. If he wants something intelligent I can tell him about the common cold. The common cold is unnecessary. And I can prove it. Without hocus-pocus. ...."

E:"He's interested. Especially if there's money in it."

J:"The proof is that I haven't had a cold for 25 years. Garlic's done the trick for me. Plenty of it."

E:"Russians believe in the power of garlic too. Did you know that garlic doesn't have any predators in nature? And - ah - I thought there was something familiar...."

J:"To eliminate the common cold all that researchers need to do is get half-a-dozen people together, none of whom ever develops a cold, and it shouldn't take them long to isolate what it is that confers immunity. Tell Arago that. ...."

E:"He says they must have already done that in the Wonderful West."

J:"Well, they haven't. Westerners catch as many colds as before. And all the research that's been done for the last 50 years has been to give colds to volunteers and try out this or that supposed remedy. They've all failed."

E:"And the pharmaceutical companies have got rich? By not doing what you've suggested? It would have been crazy of them to put themselves out of business."

J:"Yes, they have got rich."

E:"So, what are you saying, John? That the Western pharmaceutical companies are morally superior to the Russians who have done just as good business by acquiring control of huge state businesses and production plants?"

J:"No. That's twisting my words. Isn't it the people who worked illegally or on the fringes in Soviet times who are the ones who are new Russian rich? The ones who knew the real ropes. That's not happened in the West. Don't look down your nose like that. I know the English have got a reputation abroad for hypocrisy, not facing the truth, but ... Look, I can't stay any longer. It's an early night for me. Two o'clock early, anyway. You know I've got to face Dmitri tomorrow - later today. This is all a plot - I said PLOT!! - to tire me out. Can I get a taxi?"

E:"What about me?"

J:"Arago'll look after you, won't he? He's your friend rather than mine. Look, I'll phone you. Tomorrow. After my game. To find out about this 'real Russia' that you're going to tell me about. What "is"; it about?"

E:"It's a true story about saving art treasures. If you're a good boy."

J:"Well, that'll be something. Better than corruption. I said CORRUPTION!! Sorry. Sorry. Do please thank Arago for the wonderful evening."

E:"I will. Don't worry about "that";. And he's called you a taxi. You won't need to pay, and the driver knows where to take you - Arago knows everything. And here's some advice - smile, and make it friendly, but not too friendly, as you pass those characters on the door."

J:"My God. I do believe there are bulges under their armpits. Yes, I'm smiling. What sort of a dump is this?"

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Next episode next Sunday.

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