Autumn Endgame - episode 9

 Still in the dacha outhouse.

E:"Do exactly as I say. Fast. Here are some handkerchiefs. Pee on them."

J:"No problem there. But this one isn't mine."

E:"Hit him, Dmitri."

D:"And what now?"

E:"Take one of these rubber tubes each. It's for breathing through. Tie the handkerchiefs round your noses and mouths. Now look, before the lights go out - I've used this lump of Blu-tack ...

J:"...my lump of Blu-tack, ®LA1&hibar;if you please..."

E:"...to seal round this light switch that I've opened up."

J:"...using my nail-clippers..."

E:"...It connects to the air outside. Sloppy builders. Each of us takes turns to attach his own tube to this Blu-tacked pipe I've fixed. To suck in fresh air. And the big paperclips are for your noses - the handkerchiefs alone won't be enough. OK?"

J:"Brilliant. And all due to Western technology."

E:"Western rubbish, you mean. And Russian brains."

D:"How long can we last? They'll be coming to get us in ten minutes."

E:"Shut your eyes tight, take it in turns. Alphabetical order."

J:"Whose alphabet?"

E:"And pray..."

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Five minutes pass.

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Commotion outside. Arguments and shouting. The door is opened. Three spluttering and weeping bodies are dragged outside and given artificial respiration.

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Later.

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J:"Arago?!"

E:"Yes. You've recognised him this time. Looks as if he's rescued us. And I suppose you want to know why?"

J:"I wouldn't mind. What took him so long?"

E:"You're preposterous. Someone told him you'd been abducted, I expect, and he knows these people."

J:"I thought I recognised a couple of goons - gangsters from the restaurant."

E:"I told you he knew who they were. Aren't you glad of his connections now?"

J:"And he's done this rescue act - why?"

E:"Why don't you ask him yourself?"

J:"You do it."

E:"'Please?'"

J:"Oh, yes, indeedy."

E:"He says, ®LA1&hibar;®LA2&hibar;' 㣴¡ ﾠ¤ᣣ ¢롣.®LA1&hibar;®LA1&hibar;" [Sam pogibai, a druga viruchai.]

J:"Not another proverb.... Which, being interpreted, means?"

E:"It can't be translated. Something like 'a friend in need is a friend indeed', I suppose - but it's much stronger in Russian.

J:"Ow. I'm impressed. [He shakes Arago's hands. Arago hugs him three times - left, right, and left again.] But what's his standing with this mob? And what's his real name?"

E:"You still haven't learned, have you? We're all better not knowing. But wait a minute, he wants to say something to you. ... He says he wants to have a long chat. He doesn't care a kopeck for your body, it's your mind he wants."

J:"And what about you, Elena?"

E:"I think you ought to cool off. You've got a wife in London, remember?" [John groans.] "What I think is that Arago's got a lot of influence in high places - very high places - and I think he doesn't know how he should use it. I'm damned if I know why, but he wants to consult you. These ®LA2&hibar;‚㡫 ¢ § 糹¥®LA1&hibar; [vory v zakone] are not all bad, you know."

J:"That's 'criminals within the law', yes? A few minutes ago and they practically killed us!"

E:"How little you know about Russia! After all I've done. Tell me this. Which would you choose to eat, a garden pear with a blemish or a garden pear without?"

J:"What is this, a riddle?"

E:"Just answer the question."

J:"The pear without the bad bit, of course."

E:"And you'd be wrong."

J:"Whatever do you mean, wrong?"

E:"Because the blemish - or the 'bad bit' - has been caused by an insect."

J:"Well?"

E:"And are you telling me that an insect doesn't know a good fruit from a bad one? Which is closer to nature - you or the insect? The insect is nature. Russians know this."

J:"I'll try that out on my friends in London. But, Elena, you still haven't shown me the video, the documentary about the man who saved the art treasures from Stalin."

E:"Yes, I did promise. It's the story of Yacob Panteleimonovich Pasternak - another side of what you insist on calling the 'real' Russia. And I promise to keep that promise if and when you come to Moscow again. But I see from your visa, the one in your passport, that your time's run out. You've got a plane to catch - tomorrow."

J:"Don't remind me. What about our unfinished game, Dmitri?"

D:"I agree, it's a pity not to finish it. Looks good for Black, I agree. White doesn't seem to be able to undertake anything. The black king can even advance up the board into the white camp...."

J:"Yes. With a handkerchief over his nose, for safety."

D:"Huh. And the white rook can look after any counter-invasion threats. All right. I'm happy to resign you this one as well. Makes the score four-nil to you. What about a game by e-mail? You can have White."

J:"A repeat of the Four Pawns Attack in the King's Indian line, perhaps?"

D:"Agreed."

J:"Right. Where do want to diverge from our first Moscow game? It's up to you."

D:"No problem. 9...f7-f6. Instead of 9...Qa5."

J:"Done. Now, Arago! Yes, I'd be delighted to have a long talk. I've got lots of ideas. But he or Dmitri - which one of you was it? - will have to invite me to Moscow again. Unless he can come to London. Compris? Elena...."

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Next episode next Sunday or when I get time [reality seems to need admission here].

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